Did y'all ever see that movie - it had Julia Roberts in it I think it was called “The Runaway Bride” and every time that she got together with someone, she would eat the eggs in the same style that he liked? And then there was a scene in the movie where she cooks eggs in every single different style - poached eggs, over-easy, over-medium, scrambled, omelet… Because she has to learn what kind of eggs she actually likes, because she just kind of always goes with whatever her partner likes since there was no reason to fight it.
A lot of us in life, we're kind of just bumbling along, and if there's a very strong personality in the room - which typically the emotionally immature person is the loudest person in the room and commands the attention of the room - then a lot of times we're just going to go along with it. I mean, it doesn't hurt anything, right?
But what Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson says in Chapter 11 of “Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” is that it does hurt something - and what it hurts is your own sense of self-worth.
I do want to be careful in that she's not telling us to forget about our responsibilities. If there is no “should” and there is no “must”, then I don't have to go to work, right? Who wants to do that? I don't feel like working! - Well, there are real-life consequences to that…because then you can't pay your bills, so we don't want to do that.
Life does have consequences, and we all have obligations that we need to fulfill, but at the same time, if it's not hurting anyone or yourself, you don't have to say you like things when you don’t. For example, let’s say your whole family likes mint chocolate ice cream, but your favorite is brownie batter (both amazing!). Just because your parents’ favorite is/was mint chocolate ice cream does NOT mean this should be your favorite. For some of us, we've been so conditioned to be pleasant and amenable to whatever our parents or our significant other or people in our life like that we don't even really know what we like.
So my challenge to you for this month is to find something where you're not quite sure where you stand, because you've always just gone with whatever those around you have said, and figure out what it is you really like - whether it be political parties or ice cream flavors or the type of eggs that you like. Movies, celebrities, favorite color – you name it!
And write to me and tell me about it!
Take some time to discover who you are and what you like - a lot of times we don't really even know. The way to get healthy emotionally is understanding your own feelings - pulling up a feelings wheel, identifying your feelings, journaling about your feelings… but something that's a little bit lighter and safer is actually just discovering your likes and your dislikes. Let’s start there.
Giving your small still inner voice room to grow - you're not used to listening to it! You've learned to drown it out over years and years and years of being told that you “should”, and you “must” and so, give it space to grow. That starts with even understanding who you are without anyone telling you who you should be.
The stuff that we cover on YouTube: https://youtube.com/@MichelleRaza_LifeCoach – discussing the works of my favorite authors - this is something I do for the community and I think it's beneficial. And if this is the only way that you ever interact with me, I'm grateful for it because you're learning something and I'm learning something whenever I see your comments and reactions. The YouTube content is very different than your Life Coaching Journey though. Nothing you see on the channel or read on this blog is tailored to you. It doesn't take into account your dreams or your vision for your life and it doesn't do a gap analysis of how you're fairing within the seven different life areas:
· Social & Family Relationships
· Career & Educational Aspirations
· Rest Recreation Leisure
· Adulting
· Money & Personal Finances
· Giving Back
· Mental, Emotional, & Inner Wellbeing
That’s really how you'll get there – taking the life balance questionnaires, writing your personal vision statements, identifying your goals, writing them down, and working towards them. I'm happy that you're here with me today. I hope that you do start thinking about your journey - it really will make a difference; that investment in yourself.
I had to go through the life coaching journey myself to get here. You can't coach if you haven't learned the steps - and I was really behind in a lot of areas. Don't get me wrong - I was a straight “A” student and the best little child of EIPs - making my parents proud in every possible way whether I was happy or not happy. But there were just some areas in my life that were really lacking, and so being able to look at the whole picture and understand why I wasn’t happy truly helped me.
Sadly, I see stuff like “I'm a CEO. I have my own company. I make all this money but my marriage is in shambles!” - That's a very common one, unfortunately. Wherever you focus is, is where you will succeed. There's this silly saying – “The grass is greener where you water it.” - but it's 100% true. If you spend 95% of your energy at the office, then you're going to be a rockstar – stellar - at the office, but your personal relationships might suffer. Likewise, if you spend all your time at the gym your body is going to look great, but maybe you didn't hit the books enough.
At the end of the day the goal is finding balance in your own self - finding where you're off balance and then finding that missing piece or pieces to help you along the way.
Contact me! I can help - :)
Thanks for hanging out with me today. I look forward to chatting with you guys next time. I hope you have a great day or a good night, and as one of my favorites, Wim Hof says: “All the love, all the power”.
Bye-Bye!